Pop! goes the cookie
Enough time had elapsed since Peep-flavored Oreos appeared before Easter that Mr. Tidbit began to speculate about the possible next silly Oreo flavor. Mother’s Day went by without Evening in Paris Oreos (with deep-blue filling to remind Boomers of the perfume they gave their moms way back when), and it’s already too late to sell many Old Spice Oreos for Father’s Day, but Mr. Tidbit wasn’t ready to shift his time horizon quite as far forward as would have been required to come up with a Fourth-of-July entry. It’s Firework Oreos.
At first glance, Firework Oreos seem to be regular Oreos — OK, with little dots in the otherwise regular filling. But a blaze on the front of the package explains: “WITH POPPING CANDY!” There is a slight problem: If you eat the Firework Oreo in the manner of the sophisticated adult that you imagine yourself to be — that is, in one or more bites each containing both the Oreo wafers and the filling — the very crunchy Oreo wafers almost drown out the Pop Rocks effect of small detonations in your mouth from the filling.
Mr. Tidbit is surprised to find himself giving cookie-eating advice, but if you’re going to spend an extra 33 percent (the 10.7-ounce bag is the same price as the 14.3-ounce bag of regular Oreos), somebody needs to tell you to twist them open and lick or tooth-drag the filling separately from the wafers.
Feh! go the children?
Also new from Nabisco is a variant of Teddy Grahams: Teddy Soft Bakes. Note that it’s not Teddy Grahams Soft Bakes: Whereas the first ingredient in Teddy Grahams (which are little graham crackers shaped like Teddy Bears) is graham flour, better known as whole-grain wheat flour, the flour in Teddy Soft Bakes, which are little Teddy Bear shaped 1.06-ounce cakes (six to the box), is enriched unbleached wheat flour. Mr. Tidbit hopes your child’s nutrition plan doesn’t depend on whole grains from dessert.
More important to Mr. Tidbit is that these items are said to contain filling (chocolate or vanilla in the contrasting color bear; see illustration on box). In any degree meaningful to a small child, they do not (see cross-sectional photo). If Mr. Tidbit were a child handed this and told it was a filled cake, he would be greatly disappointed.
Adult Mr. Tidbit is just sad. Very sad.